Pregnancy Etiquette

I am large. I get it. Does the entire world really need to point it out to me as if I were living in a land of oblivious denial?

Within the past two weeks, I have been pulled in to some of the most interesting conversations about my appearance, not to mention being poked, prodded, and touched against my will. I read about this in magazines. Authors of many articles advise pregnant women to laugh off the unwarranted remarks about their pregnant bodies and draft simple yet stern one-liners to off-set unwanted "belly grabbing". I had more faith in people than this. I said to myself, "Self, people are generally good. They would never say rude things to pregnant women or touch them without asking. I mean, realy...who does that?" I don't like the answer to this question.

Please realize that I am almost 8 months pregnant, I am carrying all of my pregnant belly in the front of my body. Different women carry differently. I am one of the lucky ones who appears to be smuggling basketballs. Let's recap what people have recently said to me about my changing physical form...

During a recent conversation with my principal, he (yes, he) recently said to me, "if you don't mind my asking, how much weight have you gained so far?" Taken off guard, I actually answered his question. (I am a firm believer that a pregnant woman will gain the exact right amount of weight that is necessary for her body and her baby.) I told him that I've probably gained about 20-25 pounds so far, and I secretly begged the Powers That Be to end this conversation. But it continued. He went on to explain that his wife gained only 25 pounds with each of her 3 children, and it was for the best because sometimes any extra weight can be difficult to remove after the baby is born. And (yes, there's an "and") he continued that because she only gained 25 lbs with each of her kids, she continues to look pretty good to this day. AND (really?????) he further said that he knows how difficult it can be to keep the weight thing under control with the cravings and other such factors that I must be going through. Let's take a vote on how appropriate these remarks are from your supervisor in the workplace. Needless to say, I ended the conversation as quickly as possible and remained in awe for most of the day that someone (A.K.A. my supervisor) would actually have the audacity to tell me that I'm fat at 7 1/2 months pregnant. As far as I'm concerned, my doctor, midwife, and nurse are the only people that are allowed to discuss my pregnancy weight gain.

Yet the list of inappropriate remarks continues...

Today, I was making copies in the staff room when a teacher asked me when I was due. I told her that I was due in February. She proceeded to ask me if I was sure that I wasn't carrying twins.

But the best remark was at my recent baby shower when one of the women (who hasn't seen me since June) came up to hug me and said, "boy, you got fat!"